transform blog

Morning Practice

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

I took my first breath for the sound of Om. I hit something hard in my belly - Manipura. I have been moving forward steadily for almost 4 years ... longer actually. I came to a point and had to leave everything I knew or thought I knew and step onto a new path. I always have my eyes open for what lies in front of me. I try to be open to the glistening path. The path that is calling me and forces me to do my work. These past few years have been a mixture of surrender, my strong sense of will, my mind trying so hard to be in charge and my heart winning. I find myself now at a new place.

Inhale. The breath can’t move deeper yet. My mind takes over and tries to dig back to a more familiar place. I am not there. I am here. It’s familiar. It’s me. I keep moving through the meditation. Surrender. I continue clearing the chakras, sitting for some amount of time that I don’t know. When I observe my physical body (what I can sense at this point), I notice my shoulder pain that has been constant for months has vanished. When I open my eyes and come back, it flows back in. Observe.

I see the path. I show up on my mat with eyes that have been tuned by the past few years. It’s familiar and new at the same time. As I start to flow, my body shows me the way. I can literally feel my way there. I feel my heart open, my belly softens, the breath can fill my being. I am discovering a new capacity for softness that opens the door for the depth of Uddiyana bandha. Each door leads to a new place that is subtler than the last and I know that the only way there is through. You can’t skip past the places you need to go. Even if you go around them, you’ll be back. This I know.

I absolutely love being in my body. Moving and breathing and observing how my whole being responds. My body confirms things I know and sometimes doubt. I am working to clear the things that are lingering from a lifetime. At some point, I’m lost in the flow that has emerged. I feel my body responding and melting through the hard layers that have formed while I’ve been struggling through. I didn’t know they ran so deep. I very naturally settle into savasana. Resting on my back, I feel my whole body surrender. I’ve never felt it so soft. Observe. I feel free in so many ways.

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